Today is carnival day. Morning, 6 o'clock, my mom called me up. Haiz... I missed my phone... I dressed up, etc. etc. as usual, and in previous night, I've packed my beg and such, INCLUDING FINISHING THE DAMNED CLASS BOARD FOR THEM TO PUT ON UNTIL 1 A.M. Okay. That's okay. That's not the problem. Problem is...
I reached school.
I put my bag.
I see Niro.
I shocked.
"Hi- SHIT! THE BOARD!!!"
> by me.
This is why I NEED MY PHONE. I can remind myself if I had that phone. I can get up on my own if I HAD that DAMNED phone. Okay, enough complaining and reminiscing. I quickly asked for phone, and called my parents, where they DIDN'T BRING THEIR CELLPHONES AGAIN!!!!!!! Haiz... My sister? She's useless. That's okay, I still have teacher. But then...
"Morning is very busy. Never mind the board la. Don't need that la."
> By my class teacher.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I spend my 5 hours for the 5 DAMNED BOARDS. How can you say "Nevermind la" JUST LIKE THAT?!?! No. I must find a way... I must find... A way...
*Light bulbs on*
Yes!!! My cousin!!! Maybe I can ask for her help!!!
So, I rushed from the secondary school towards the primary school, and went to door 33, my cousin's house. When I reached, LUCKY ME!!! She's just there!!! I yelled for her, apologized for so many inconvenience, and quickly went back my home, grab the board, went back school. WOOOOO~~~ How fun. Yeah right.
But that's not the serious part, YET.
When I return back to the school, it's already 8, but Kou's still not here yet. So, We called him and asked, and he said that something wrong happened to the pudding, and he need a box. So, I asked for permission to get him to the school.
I, alone, for the first time, went to get a TAXI. Wow... What a new experience for me~ haha... Sorry, but seriously, in 17 years, this is the first time I take a taxi only by myself. So, borrowed a phone from Adam forehandly, and asked Kou where he lived. I went there, get down the taxi, and went to his house FROM MY SO BAD MEMORY. Can't believed myself that I ACTUALLY REMEMBERED his house!!!!!! Oh my goddess~ X3
(Weee~ I’m on a journey today~)
Well, I found out that the "pudding" turned out to be JELLOTINE. Oh my goodness... And the taste, IT'S HORRIBLE!!!!!! =w= Never want to even BUY that thing anymore... Haiz... But then, it might looked like a failure, and despise the flavour. it's actually very popular by the people, and some of them EVEN LIKED IT. OwO What the...
Oh well, we packed the stuff up, and took a taxi, back to the stall, and began helping out. Oh my... I'm so bored. I don't know how to do a thing... I know that's very irresponsible for me to say this but... I don't think I DID a THING for the club for the whole day... The one that did are just Yuki, Kou, and the others. Well, thanks to me, they get PL (My junior friend who always gets bullied by her classmates... Tell you the story later.) along too. Haha... Maa... Ii deshou ne...?
Throughout the day, I just walk here, walk there; eat here, eat there. Until I kinda feel like anorexic AGAIN. Why again? Well, yesterday, I had that feel too. I'm not sure why... It all started on that stupid oral thing... The title is exactly "Anorexia". Haiz... Okay, skip it. Now, I feel so empty... Not doing a thing... But I seriously found a tranquilizer for my emptiness...
Music.
Yes. BLAST MY EARS BABY~ I love you~ I don't care if people are talking about me, but seriously, I love moving through the music. Maa maa... Ii ka.
When I come back from several rounds of walking, I found out that my class stall had CLOSED. Why? THEY FINISHED SELLING THOSE STUFFS!!!!!! Oh wow... Honto ni bikkuri shita... And my club? They UNEXPECTEDLY FINISHED SELLING THE ONIGIRI!!!!!!
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~
Wow, that's long. Anyway. The one that's left behind is that disgusted jellotine. Eww... I can't even understand why people are buying it... Oh well. At least half of the 100 are sweetened (yes, they're good). Well, the unsweetened one... Haha... Not to say anything but... HONTO NI, WARUI DESU. Haha... Maa... Well, the rain comes in. Oh no!!! We pushed in the stuffs to the inside, and we kind of packed up, and went for the ghost house.
I haven't tell you about the ghost house right? Well, the line is NAGAI LIKE HELLL!!!!!! Oh my god... We spend 1 hour for the DAMNED line... Haiz... Well, I have much fun inside. I mean... Ehem. Yuki was like so scared and she held to tightly to me. Lolz~~~ I don't even understand what's the point of scaring... But then, it might be scary if we're in the front instead of the back. Haha...
Oh well, after that, we packed everything, threw everything, and it's CC TIME!!!!!!
It's fun in CC, though it's short. I updated some of this entry in here, and typed the rest at home. So... Before I went back home, when it's time, I went back to my school and waited for my parents. During that time, Yuki was STILL THERE. Wow... How AMAZING is her parents... Oh well. It's not my problem... Wait. It might be. Oh well. Then, we talked for about 30 minutes, then she went off, and I was there still waiting. So I waited, and waited, but no car came to me. Haiz. So no choice, I jamma my cousin's house again, called my parents, and they told me they're there already. Smart. So I went back there, and went home.
Back my home. So tired. Grab my things out and ready to bath...
Fuck.
Where's my pendrive?!
Called that プッツン and 光, and they said they're in LM McD. Asked for help to go look back in CC, no. Oh well. Can't do anything about it, right? Since they're like, so far away, and so... Haiz. Anyway, I think and I think. What's the phone of Star? No phone written there. Shit them. Think and think... How 'bout my parents? They're not back yet, so I go bath. Get dressed, get down, tell them the story (altered to: my friend lost my pendrive in CC), dad refused, yelled at me about being that careless, like the phone incident.
Yeah, like it's ALWAYS happening.
Yeah, like it's ALWAYS MY FAULT.
Okay. I admit, it's my fault. But who's the one talking about RELYING on YOU?! Fuck it off bugger. You think I really want to rely on you?! It's because I have no choice. To be born in this DAMNED FAMILY. How damned? I'll tell you.
Since I was born, my maid carried me all over the place, so caring about me, and don't even try to LET ME WALK. Then, older age, I became so weak. Then, older age, NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING IN HOUSE, 'cause the maid is there. Did everything. Made me LAZY. Then, primary school, thanks to laziness, no games unless weekends. And then, don't let me go to the Star bookstore, which is just so near. Fine. It's okay. But then, secondary school, still wants to control me about such minor stuff. Still don't let me go to those places, until I'm in 17, I talked to them, then they said can. But to further away, like just the Mamak stall? No. What the HELL is in their BRAIN?!?! Moreover, I can't take taxi or bus EVEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Not only that, I can't even go out, because they're "BUSY" or "AFRAID OF THE ROAD". What the FUCK?!
Thanks to that, I secretly played during the time they're sleeping, EVERYDAY. Thanks to that, I secretly went to the bookstore EVERYDAY. Thanks to that, I secretly went out with my friends, ALMOST EVERYDAY. Even walked to Leisure with my barefoot from my school, or take a taxi by my own. Thanks to that, I learned a lot of stuffs SO MUCH LATER THAN NORMAL TEEN DOES. Thanks to THEM, I need to conceal EVERYTHING from them. Even if it's not an illegal stuff.
Why?
"Because it's dangerous."
DANGEROUS YOUR FUCKING BRAIN!!! What's wrong with going to mamak?! It's just so near!!! Even with teachers they don't let. What the fuck?!?!
Then, they said I rely on them. What rely? It's because I don't want to conceal, that's why I tell. And then, I told, and they said that I rely on them. Hah! Like I LOOOOOOVE to rely on you. Heck. I don't even wanted to. It's because I'm not able to go by my own. It's because I can't do it by my own.
It's because it's "dangerous".
Fucking shit. I hate them. I ALWAYS hate them. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart, since the day I gained true knowledge, since the day I'm matured.
I.
Hate.
My.
Family.
FOREVER!!!!!!
And I'm ALWAYS serious about that. My dad's a silencer who doesn't want say a thing. My mom's an uber "anti-dangerous" woman. My sister's a stupid bugger who don't even care about me. My brother? Heck, he's better. Why? Because at least he got a good wife. My sister-in-law? She’s the best. She's willing to cook, she's willing to do. Others? They can go DIE.
Yeah. They don't care about my feelings at all. Play with my body shape, talk about my height, yell at my stupidness. What else? Oh, it's just too daily for me to even bother. But the most that I cannot tolerate of all. THEY LIKE TO USE MY STUFFS. I can't tolerate and I'll NEVER tolerate. It's just a very important thing for me. They used my printer, they used my computer, they used my papers, they used my ROOM. Although SOMETIMES they did ask me, but THE QUESTION HAS NO OPTION. What the fuck?! And not only they use them, they MESSED UP WITH THEM. They messed the settings of my room, which they knew that I hated this setting. They messed up the cups that I used, which they knew that I hated to use other cups. They can even messed up my CLOTHINGS, which they knew that I hated those clothings!!! Oh, and they said that they BUY for me. Like HELL I asked for them. If you really want it, then don't give me! But no, they gave me. It's supposed to be mine now. But NO!!! They USED it.
"They're my money. They're my assets."
Uhuh. Yeah right. Oh, and did I mentioned that they liked to FORCE things to me? Like, a steamer. Like, a facial stuff. Like, a certain FOOD. I don't want them, and I don't use them. I don't even like them. But then they'll say.
"I use the money to buy for you, then you don't want it."
Hey! No one said that I WANTED okay?! Don't force anything to me and want me to USE it, or EAT it, or... or... Can I just throw them away? No. That'll NEVER happen. Why?
"Because it's a waste."
Then USE IT ON YOUR OWN DAMNIT!!!!!
"But I don't need it."
SO.
DO.
I.
FUCKERS.
And today's supposed to be a good day, with carnival, and all. But who knows that after I came home, I'll trigger so many BAD MEMORIES of these idiots.
And that's why, I hate to go back home, with them in the house.
I'd rather be alone.
Oh well...
It's okay. It's just a pendrive. If I really lost it, I'll think that's as a way to repel calamity.
It's okay. It's just a phone. If I really cannot take it anymore, I will buy a new one.
It's okay. It's just friends. If I really dislike them, I can always hide from them.
It's okay. It's just family. If I really hate them, I will leave them as soon and as possible as I could.
It's okay. It's just me. If no one care, I can always take care of my own.
If I really can't...
No one else could.
Then, I can just disappear.
Then, I can just...
Die.
> Alone in the Darkness
Genre: Slow Pop
Tone: EMO
Theme: Loneliness, Alone, Dark
Instruments: Piano, Violin, Drum, Guitar
Vocal: Me
暗闇のこのころに一人きり
誰もいないあたしだけ泣いてる
寒い日々この日に誰も聞いて
あたしの全て誰にも気にってる
友達わいない
家族にもいない
唯あたしだけ此処にいて
誰もいない、唯あたしだけ
一人だけだこの世界で生きてくて
寂しい歩くって
“空わ届けない場所だ”
あたし一人ぼっち話して
聞いて
それとあれ人たちわ信じません
全ての言葉全ての感情似せんだ
太陽の下人達の中寂しいだった
だって誰も本とのあたし知って
だから闇好きだ
だから太陽嫌いだ
闇の中にあたしの全て
好いと悪いの事も受ければ
一人だけだこの人達に
誰も知ってる誰も気にってる
“何が本との事ですか？”
あたし一人ぼっち尋ねるけど
答えわ無い
"Sorry I can't be much of a help"
"Don’t rely too much on me"
それわ貴方の答え？解ってる
じゃ今に決着だよ
一人だけにこの世界に生きてくて
一人ぼっち歩くて
貴方頼り必要わない
あたし自分にも気をつける
一人だけにこの町に
誰も必要誰も気にってる
だからあたし一人もいい
これがあたしの決意だよ
一人でWOOO生きて
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