Insert: 我可以抱你嗎 (by A-Mei)
I don’t get it.
I just don’t get it.
Why are you so cold?
Why do you looked like as if you dislike me?
I’m not sure.
I’m unconfirmed.
I’ve done so much thinking that I just don’t get it.
Just… Why…?
Is it just because of exam?
Or there are other reasons that you couldn’t say to me?
I just wanted to know, what is really wrong?
Is it my fault? Or other stuffs?
Is it personal? Or it’s work?
If it’s my fault, I will try to not do it again.
If it’s not my fault, I wish I could help you.
My heart is slowly being torn into pieces by your attitudes.
I just couldn’t understand.
I nearly show my true emotions to my friends,
When I shouldn’t, because it’s just not me if I’m like that.
And they thought I’m angry of them.
Although, yes,
I’m kinda angry if they’re trying to play me now.
But, it’s just not normal for me to just be angry like that.
“不勉強你再為了我 心不在 留不留都是痛”
Haiz…
I’m just so afraid…
If you’re just playing with me…
If you do not see me as a lover…
Just a normal person, or even a stranger.
But I’m utmost afraid…
If you hate me.
But if you really hate me, I can do nothing about it, right?
There’s no way to tell you to not hate me.
Even I’m not that afraid if you’re not really in love with me.
I mean…
Being hate by your loved one,
Is the most painful thing in the world…
Right?
I don’t even care about whether I could understand you 100% now.
I just want you to tell me, whether you hate me or not.
Although, you did say that you do not hate me.
I’m quite happy by that.
But…
I’m just scared…
That you will someday…
So… Can you tell me?
The reasons that you act like this towards me?
Just…
Why…?
“你也不得已 我會笑笑的離去”
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 6 ::
It’s just the next day.
The fuckers are telling me the same thing.
AGAIN.
WTF?!
There’s a reason I say that “I know”.
There’s a reason I say repeat the same 2 words.
Because I’ve already known.
So don’t even start to say a thing.
Don’t even try to repeat what you’re going to say.
There’re all in my mind.
I’ve known what you’re going to say.
So save your energy, never say it out.
Because I don’t want to listen a damn thing that you’re going to say.
And that, ruined my mood.
I wanted to watch TV.
But since they talked as if they’re so great.
Fine, let them play mah-joung there.
I go up.
I go post this thing in my blog.
Unleash my emotions and let them go wild.
I’m on the edge now.
But you will never know.
Until I scream it out loud.
In your face.
The fuckers are telling me the same thing.
AGAIN.
WTF?!
There’s a reason I say that “I know”.
There’s a reason I say repeat the same 2 words.
Because I’ve already known.
So don’t even start to say a thing.
Don’t even try to repeat what you’re going to say.
There’re all in my mind.
I’ve known what you’re going to say.
So save your energy, never say it out.
Because I don’t want to listen a damn thing that you’re going to say.
And that, ruined my mood.
I wanted to watch TV.
But since they talked as if they’re so great.
Fine, let them play mah-joung there.
I go up.
I go post this thing in my blog.
Unleash my emotions and let them go wild.
I’m on the edge now.
But you will never know.
Until I scream it out loud.
In your face.
:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 5 ::
Insert: Get the Future (by Takahashi Hitomi)
This world has no justice.
Since the day I grew up in this family, I understood this concept of life.
My family treat me like a fool, although I really WAS a fool.
But now I’m an adult.
Can’t they treat me better?
I admit. I’m wrong.
I admit. I’m noisy.
I admit. I’m inconsiderate.
But does that means that you are not?
Does that means that you can just defy my actions?
Does that means that you understood my actions?
Does that means that you have the right to critisize my actions?
When you are actually messing up my place just for your selfishness?
When you are actually ORDERING me to do stuffs for your playfulness?
When you are actually the one that’s WRONG?!
And my brain is none for your insultments.
I have absolutely nothing in intelligence for you to insult.
I am a little slow, yes, but that does not means that I do not know what to do.
So can you please SHUT UP and let me do what I want?
I already tell you I want to leave this house.
I already tell you I can be on my own.
But you insisted to want me be in this house.
But you insisted that I couldn’t take care of myself.
And now you’re telling me I’m noisy?
While you already knew what will happen if you insisted that I’m going to stay here?
And now you’re critisizing me how to take care of myself?
While you never even let me do it?
It was just a game, alright?
Mah-Jong, to be exact.
I know how to play, from the start.
Is just that YOU are the one that ASSUMED that I do not know a single thing.
So I proved that I know the general knowledge.
And what the heck, you praise me as if I’ve got a prize.
It’s just a general knowledge, dude!!
How can it be so hard???
Am I really that brainless in your mind?
But you know what, to me, you are the brainless one.
I’m just playing, training my brain.
You’re there telling me, what to throw and what to eat.
AS IF I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
AS IF I REALLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
So much things that you have done, in just a short one hour length.
You have critisize me at least 2 times in a game.
You have mocked me at least 3 times in a game.
In total, I could not count but, if one game is 5 minutes, you have already…
Critisize me 24 times.
Mocked me 36 times.
In 12 games.
And what’s next?
You’re going to “teach” me.
Hell, I can be a better teacher than you.
I’m just giving you face, okay.
Don’t think I’m really that stupid, would you?
Just that you’re better than I am, doesn’t mean that you can critisize my actions.
Just because you think that I am a fool, doesn’t mean that I am really a fool.
I can be smarter than you.
I can be richer than you.
I can be anything BETTER than you.
If I want to.
You know, you can be such a JERK some times.
If you weren’t my blood-related family, I’ve already wanted to say this phrase in your face.
“Shut the fuck up, would you?!”
And seriously, I’m on the borderline to yell out this phrase.
This exact phrase.
Although I have yelled for millions of times in my heart.
Just to give you some prides you need as my elders.
I respect you.
But what you’ve done had made me losing the respect.
Each step going down the stairs.
I’m starting to hate you.
To dispise you.
To leave you.
To do whatever that opposes you.
Although I oppose the idea of having that baby in my huge room.
But did they listen? No.
I mean, since when they listen to MY OPINION?
They always talked about THEIR OPINION.
And FORCED their opinions on ME.
So what? I’m going out from the room.
What month is that?
About November to December.
What time is that?
My SPM time.
EXACTLY.
So my mom said “Sorry”.
But did that help?
No.
Because I don’t think anyone in the family even felt to say “sorry”.
Because I was so disliked by them.
I don’t care about being disliked.
The world is already unfair anyway.
This is just the beginning.
I know.
What if I’m back to my room?
I’m going to be with the aunty that’s going to take care of the baby.
AND the baby itself.
But I don’t think they WANT me to stay in the room.
Because whatever I do, is no way good for the baby.
So where I’m going to stay then?
In my parents room.
Along with them.
HECK.
You know what?
Sleeping in the living room’s sofa is far much better than staying in THEIR room.
Imagine my dad’s bomb in the night.
Imagine my mom’s nagging UNTIL night.
Can I sleep in there?
I don’t think so.
Can I even study?
I can NEVER think so.
That is why I told them I want to move out.
They do not approve.
So?
I’m going to stay here like Harry Potter?
Sleeping in a storeroom?
Well, he’s far more better than I do.
At least he gets a real home later.
Me?
I have nothing.
I have no foster parents to pass a house to me.
I’m no legendary child.
I’m just another normal child with no power, no money, no pride.
Although how much do I protest, nothing will go my way.
Even the choice where I want to go study music?
Is something they WANT ME to be.
It’s nothing they do not want me to be.
But when I’m going to study music technology?
They oppose.
Saying, “I just want you to be a normal music teacher.”
Hell.
Is that going to happen in me?
Never.
Even if I will, it’ll be decades after this.
And what’s worse?
They want to interfere with my hair.
Telling me to cut on THEIR style.
Heck.
I don’t need their fashion senses.
Theirs are the WORST to come by.
I don’t even want to trust them.
They just force everything on me.
I’m not gonna let you do whatever stuff that you want with my life.
No, and NEVER.
Singapore? I’m going.
And that will be the final destination that you fools can control.
I’m going to break free after that.
I’m going to soar higher in the sky.
I’m going to melt the chains that you have put on me, eternally.
And I shall NEVER come back.
Trust. My. Words. People.
This world has no justice.
Since the day I grew up in this family, I understood this concept of life.
My family treat me like a fool, although I really WAS a fool.
But now I’m an adult.
Can’t they treat me better?
I admit. I’m wrong.
I admit. I’m noisy.
I admit. I’m inconsiderate.
But does that means that you are not?
Does that means that you can just defy my actions?
Does that means that you understood my actions?
Does that means that you have the right to critisize my actions?
When you are actually messing up my place just for your selfishness?
When you are actually ORDERING me to do stuffs for your playfulness?
When you are actually the one that’s WRONG?!
And my brain is none for your insultments.
I have absolutely nothing in intelligence for you to insult.
I am a little slow, yes, but that does not means that I do not know what to do.
So can you please SHUT UP and let me do what I want?
I already tell you I want to leave this house.
I already tell you I can be on my own.
But you insisted to want me be in this house.
But you insisted that I couldn’t take care of myself.
And now you’re telling me I’m noisy?
While you already knew what will happen if you insisted that I’m going to stay here?
And now you’re critisizing me how to take care of myself?
While you never even let me do it?
It was just a game, alright?
Mah-Jong, to be exact.
I know how to play, from the start.
Is just that YOU are the one that ASSUMED that I do not know a single thing.
So I proved that I know the general knowledge.
And what the heck, you praise me as if I’ve got a prize.
It’s just a general knowledge, dude!!
How can it be so hard???
Am I really that brainless in your mind?
But you know what, to me, you are the brainless one.
I’m just playing, training my brain.
You’re there telling me, what to throw and what to eat.
AS IF I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
AS IF I REALLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.
So much things that you have done, in just a short one hour length.
You have critisize me at least 2 times in a game.
You have mocked me at least 3 times in a game.
In total, I could not count but, if one game is 5 minutes, you have already…
Critisize me 24 times.
Mocked me 36 times.
In 12 games.
And what’s next?
You’re going to “teach” me.
Hell, I can be a better teacher than you.
I’m just giving you face, okay.
Don’t think I’m really that stupid, would you?
Just that you’re better than I am, doesn’t mean that you can critisize my actions.
Just because you think that I am a fool, doesn’t mean that I am really a fool.
I can be smarter than you.
I can be richer than you.
I can be anything BETTER than you.
If I want to.
You know, you can be such a JERK some times.
If you weren’t my blood-related family, I’ve already wanted to say this phrase in your face.
“Shut the fuck up, would you?!”
And seriously, I’m on the borderline to yell out this phrase.
This exact phrase.
Although I have yelled for millions of times in my heart.
Just to give you some prides you need as my elders.
I respect you.
But what you’ve done had made me losing the respect.
Each step going down the stairs.
I’m starting to hate you.
To dispise you.
To leave you.
To do whatever that opposes you.
Although I oppose the idea of having that baby in my huge room.
But did they listen? No.
I mean, since when they listen to MY OPINION?
They always talked about THEIR OPINION.
And FORCED their opinions on ME.
So what? I’m going out from the room.
What month is that?
About November to December.
What time is that?
My SPM time.
EXACTLY.
So my mom said “Sorry”.
But did that help?
No.
Because I don’t think anyone in the family even felt to say “sorry”.
Because I was so disliked by them.
I don’t care about being disliked.
The world is already unfair anyway.
This is just the beginning.
I know.
What if I’m back to my room?
I’m going to be with the aunty that’s going to take care of the baby.
AND the baby itself.
But I don’t think they WANT me to stay in the room.
Because whatever I do, is no way good for the baby.
So where I’m going to stay then?
In my parents room.
Along with them.
HECK.
You know what?
Sleeping in the living room’s sofa is far much better than staying in THEIR room.
Imagine my dad’s bomb in the night.
Imagine my mom’s nagging UNTIL night.
Can I sleep in there?
I don’t think so.
Can I even study?
I can NEVER think so.
That is why I told them I want to move out.
They do not approve.
So?
I’m going to stay here like Harry Potter?
Sleeping in a storeroom?
Well, he’s far more better than I do.
At least he gets a real home later.
Me?
I have nothing.
I have no foster parents to pass a house to me.
I’m no legendary child.
I’m just another normal child with no power, no money, no pride.
Although how much do I protest, nothing will go my way.
Even the choice where I want to go study music?
Is something they WANT ME to be.
It’s nothing they do not want me to be.
But when I’m going to study music technology?
They oppose.
Saying, “I just want you to be a normal music teacher.”
Hell.
Is that going to happen in me?
Never.
Even if I will, it’ll be decades after this.
And what’s worse?
They want to interfere with my hair.
Telling me to cut on THEIR style.
Heck.
I don’t need their fashion senses.
Theirs are the WORST to come by.
I don’t even want to trust them.
They just force everything on me.
I’m not gonna let you do whatever stuff that you want with my life.
No, and NEVER.
Singapore? I’m going.
And that will be the final destination that you fools can control.
I’m going to break free after that.
I’m going to soar higher in the sky.
I’m going to melt the chains that you have put on me, eternally.
And I shall NEVER come back.
Trust. My. Words. People.
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