:: ドキドキしちゃう Aries Part 9 ::

-July8-

Insert: Watashi no Koi wa HOCCHI-KISU

Right or left?!
Do or die?!
Yes or no?!

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Nani wo itte ru iin desu ka kore?!?!

Mou!!!!!! KUSO!!!!!!
Gekidou ga tomerarenai yo!!!!!!

Kinchou… Doki doki… Kinchou… Doki doki…

D-D-D-Doushiyou?!?!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!



I nearly stumbled and fall.
My pitchings are slightly off.
Fingers just pressing wrong.
What the hell is wrong?!?!

I’m just damn nervous now…
My body just won’t cool down…
Even when I tried to talk,
I’m just speaking nonsense now…

Things just doesn’t go well now…
Everything turned upside down…

Am I happy?
Am I crazy?
I am excited!
I am anxious!

I’m not even sure what I’m writing now!!!
The only thing I’m thinking about is…

You…



At the beginning, the feeling was light…
Before I knew it, my passion grew…

I started to write about you.
I started to think about you.
I started to do things just for you…

Even when I don’t even know why…
Even when I don’t even know how…
I still do it. I still make it.
Forcing myself? I guess I have.
But I would never let you down.
At least not that easily.

Then, I confessed.
Maybe, you would’ve think nothing as much as I do.
Or maybe, you wouldn’t have think so nervously…
And you say maybe we can be together, on conditions.
And I thought right after that.

Of course,
I’ll be glad to accept any (or most) of whatever conditions you asked for.
But in the next moment when I called you, you said you’re just joking.
I acted nothing, and accept it.
But as soon as I hang off the phone, I’ve been forcing myself to sleep.

And I thought that it’ll be just another simple crush or whatsoever…
I’m going to be okay the next day…

But no.
I’m not okay at all.

I’m awake at 4.30.
I started to recall back whatever happened the day before.
And I started to write it down in a piece of paper.
I wrote and wrote a lot.
And my heart sank deeply for every words I wrote.

Everything is about my feelings.
To you, and to myself.

I’ve always been wondering.
Is this feeling just nothing but I pretended to be?
Or I’m seriously deeply hurt because of it?
The previous one, it might be just a false alarm.

But this time, it’s not.

It’s true.
I’m true.
My feelings are true.
And I’m not going to deny it any more longer.

I like you- no.
I think I’m crazily in love with you.
I would care nothing but to be with you.
But at the same time, I’m afraid of you.

Afraid that you might be angry about it.
Afraid that you might be freaked out by my feelings.

So I decided to step backwards for a while.
But it doesn’t take too long for me to start going towards you again.

I can’t stand the days without you by my side.
I can’t stand how you can so freely talk to the others.
I can’t stand… How you can be so happy when you talked to them…

I know I’m a bit… Whimsical…
But I just can’t deny my feelings any more longer.



“Atashi, ima, anata no soba ni itai”
Every words of the lyrics I wrote about you is true.
“Mainichi anata to hanashii hoshii
Mainichi anata ni aitai
Mainichi anata ni koto wo kangaete…”
I really, really do mean it…
“Just because I’m in love with you”
Every words that I wrote.

It’s really a weird thing though.
Since I’m just rereading my blogs just yesterday…
And wondering when’s the next time you’re going to talk to me,
About this…
I’ve counted, and it’s one month.
And yesterday, it’s another one month.

Wow.

Have you calculated the time?
To tell me about this?
I mean…
It’s really been exact one month since I’ve write that down…
In my blog…

And I’ve just wondered about this matter yesterday…
Can I prevent it?
Can I escape the destiny (Ehhhh)?

Because I’m just damn scared to hear the truth from your mouth…
And what on earth…
You answered to my questions deep in my mind…



But the answer is seriously none that I’ve thought of…

“Actually, you can be with me.”

*jerked*
I stumbled and nearly banged to the glass wall beside me.
My brain seized its function for that moment.

I looked at you, and you knew what I’m trying to ask.
“Hai, honki desu.”
But I’m still not believing it.

“Honto ni hyaku % honki na no?!”
Then you said,
“Lie to you got gold to take ah?”

Still. I can’t believe my ears.

Am I dreaming?
Am I in a virtual world?
Am I hovering in the outer space?
Am I in the other imaginary world of this?

Is this… true…?

I’m not that sure what to react.
My words just can’t seem to group together.
Even when I type out for you to see,
My mind is just blank!

I’m not even sure if I’m really in earth now.
Exciting? Not sure.
If you call the heart’s “doki doki” as exciting…
Anxious? Damn yeah.
The heart just won’t stop jumping.

I’m not sure what to say next actually,
And I’m glad but quite angry at the same time when Yagami showed up.
Glad because I can escape for a lil’ while.
Angry because I’m having a great matter here and he spoiled it!!!

After you left, I rushed back to the school then,
And awaits for my dad to pick me up.
I’m so in a hurry to find someone to talk to…
About this damn matter…

Kou!

Yeah, he can help! He can calm me down!

At least I hoped so…

But he’s not there.
Just Neko and Gurei.

GEH?!?!

Oh well…

Should I tell Gurei?
ARGH!!!
My brain is going to explode!!!
I just can’t think of anything now.

I decided to talk to her anyway…

And well, before I can tell her the whole story, my dad came.

Been thinking about this matter over and over again in my mind,
During the journey to the home…
Then I decided to ask you again, whether you’re serious about it…
I don’t want another “I’ve always been joking” thing come up again…

I don’t mind if you’re angry about my questioning,
But at least I could see that you’re serious about it.

Though I’m wondering again…
This time, do you have another condition?

Hmm, I wouldn’t think much of it though.
I’m fairly okay with anything.
Even if you asked me for some… sponsor… >w>

Anyway, I’m home then.
Been thinking about this matter, and don’t feel like eating.
But I’ve been hungry for hours before this,
And I think I really should eat.

Haha, the next moment, I’m glad my decision was correct.
I’m so anxious about this damn thing until my stomach growled.
What the… I know.

But before I do so, I called Kou, and told him.

Me: 他讲我可以跟他在一起。
Kou: What?
Me: 他讲我可以跟他在一起。
Kou: Can’t hear. Louder.
Me: *deep breath*他讲, 我可以跟他在一起。
Kou: *gasp* OH REALLY?!
Me: Yeah! I’m so anxious now!!!
Kou: Wuooh! This is goooood. You make me anxious too…
Me: Etto… Kou… Is this a good news?
Kou: Huh? Yes, it’s a good news!
Me: Is this a good thing for me, or a bad thing for me?
Kou: Ehh, ya! It’s a good thing for you!
Me: Okay. This is a good thing. This is good… This is good…
Me: Hey, you think I should type what I want to say out?
Kou: What, you scare you say wrong?
Me: Yeah! And actually I scare I dunno what to say when I called!!!
Kou: Okay! Okay! Write it down!
Me: Okay! Okay!
Kou: Gambatte!!!
Me: Ganbari masu!!!
Kou: Ganbatte yo!!!
Me: OOOOOH!!!!!!

Heh.
He supported me, and became as anxious as I am.
Wait, why is he anxious?
It’s not his matter anyway!!!
=w= WTF…
Haiz.
Anyway, just hope that he won’t go and be hyper about this…
AND PLEASE DO NOT MAKE FUN OF THIS, KOU!!!!!! >w<
I’m very sensitive about it.



KYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
How can I wrote about something that is…
Not even sure that I’m going to be well!!!
Not even sure that it’s going to be good!!!
Not even sure that this is going to be okay!!!

How can my anxious leads to something so…
Extreme… Like… This…?

Thousand and five hundred words plus plus in total…
I don’t even know why this anxiousity can lead to this…
Am I just afraid of this?
Am I just… quirky?
ARGH!!!!!!
What the hell is wrong with me?!?!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
My fingers just couldn’t stop!!!
UUUUURGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

This is so going to add into my frustrated list…
Oh great.
Another day cannot do a thing for anything…
Can’t even do my homework.
Wait. Do I ever want to do my homework?

Uhuh…

Okay. I really need to stop now…
Stop now...
Stop now...

Stop.