:: 悲しみAries ::

Insert: serenato (by Kalafina)

When you see the title, you might think why I'm sad. Actually, I'm sad not because of myself, but because of my friends.

One of my friend is sad, because of love. Because they actually love each other, but things just happened, and the lover was forced to give up on him, ignoring him, being cold to him. Or perhaps, that's not actually the story. About the lover. But still, looking at my friend wanted to cry everyday, I just can't help but feel sad for him. And thinking of my own case, although is entirely different from his, I too, understand the feel of his.

Unable to touch, unable to see, unable to talk.

The unable to do anything. The uselessness. The emotion. I felt it.

You wanted to cry, but you couldn't. Just like the song from A-Mei, and the lyric:
"我想哭但是哭不出来"
Maybe we should just give up, and cut the thread that bonds us to the one we loved off. Cut it off, and let the wind blew it away.
"把爱剪碎了随风吹响大海"

But yet, we couldn't.

We're yet humans, we're not immortals. We could not just cut it off as if it's only a piece of paper. We could not just cut if off this emotion that tied deeply in our heart. Although it's aching, although it's hurting, but as long as we're still bound to it, we cannot do a thing.

Even if I tried to, make him happy, make myself happy, with anything, we just couldn't be as happy as we're not bounded. A suffering, yes, yet, it's part of the experience everyone must go through.

I do not regret on loving.



One of my friend is sad. I do not know the reason why. But please let me guess. She's sad, because of love too. Although she might looked like she's nothing about it, but from her blog, from the way she acted, she is sad about love. And it's somehow thanks to me she suffered.

Why?

Just because I'm trying to get my hand on winning the bet, and making the guy to kiss her. But I didn't know, at first, that she is have a liking on the guy (note that I'm still guessing here). But the guy, he liked my other friend. He just didn't give up on him, or at least, I do not see him giving up just yet. And he already had a girl friend, just because he couldn't get my other friend.

And yet, I'm trying to get them together. I even traded something just to get the guy to kiss her. And yes, he kept on his promise to me, and kissed her, on the hand. Very random. He just said, "Hey Aries, I can do the bet now," in the CC, and just grabbed my friend's hand, and kissed. That's it. Very random. Very chin-cai. But no one knows what each other's thinking right at the moment he did that.

Maybe he felt relieved, to be able to get out from this mess. From my annoyance.
Maybe she felt hurt and happy at the same time, to be able to get a kiss from him, but knew that it was just a bet.
Maybe I feel happy, and sad at the same time. Happy because I do not lose the bet, sad because I hurt my friend.

I do not know what are we thinking at that moment, it seemed long yet it's just as short. It's just one second, and he left. Just that. She looked happy, yet I know deep in her heart she's hurt. I might look happy, but deep in the heart I'm sorry. For all the things I've done to hurt both of them, if all my guesses above are correct.

I regret on doing it.



So there, I'm sad. About my own stuff, about my own betrayal and mischieve, about my friends. I'm sorry to them, I'm sorry to myself. Sorry because you're hurt, and sorry because I can't control myself.

Sorry, very sorry.

Sincerely sorry.



And, it's a mircale, that we can still be the 3 musketeers, joking around and laughing around. Going through our days like normal. As if nothing happened. As if the above never happened before...