Hokkaido Trip Day One

First thing to say before I'm gonna continue with my journey:
MY FAMILY SUCKS. End story.

============================================

Okay, now... MY TRIP TO HOKKAIDO! Was it fun? Well, to me, it's just a so-so. It's not as fun as Tokyo (Or better, AKIHABARAGODDAMMITICAN'TGOFFFFFFFFF). That aside, I captured a lot of pics that... made my phone busted without any memory spaces left OAo y'know, this is the first time EVER I had this kind of problem lololol

Anyway, on to the journey!
============================================

First day, after one night of UNABLE to sleep in the plane, I woke up in Narita Airport, with a local Japan guide. But of course, he's not a full Japanese, and yes he can speak our language. It seemed that he's a Vietnamese who had fled into Taiwan and Hong Kong, and EVEN participated in a Hong Kong movie Owo An actor, though he pretty much didn't continue it and became... a guide. And a side-translator 8D

Okay, so my breakfast... sucks. =w= Yush. To be honest, it sucked, compared to the rest of the foods I ate in the rest of my journey. However, it's considered one of the best compared to Malaysia obviously 8D I didn't took a pic of it, sad .w.

============================================

And so, after eating our breakkie, we went for... another airplane. ;w; sad ish sad indeed. We need to change our planes, oh yes. Because Narita =\= Hokkaido although they're all in Japan.

Good point about the planes is, there's good musics and entertainments 8D
JAL (Japan AirLines) ROCKS!!! XDDD
And thanks to this, I'm able to strip off some of the good musics *evil smirk* I'mma gonna download them up...

As we land in Sapporo, we went for lunch immediately. Thankfully, this first lunch from the agency was quite nice. =3

YAY JAPANESE STYLE!!!

SASHIMIIIIII~~~ *LOVEZ*

RICE WITH WASABI FURIKAKE! Nyahahar~

SALMON!!! You saw it right? AND SCALLOP!!!

ZOMG ITZ A CRAB WITH CHEEEEESE. OAo

The back view of zee crab =3

SHOPPING TEIMZ

WOAH SOUR PULMS IPPAI DA!!! OAO


AND COOKING KNIFES ZOMFGIRONCHEF



Okay, now we're off to our first sight-seeing stop... KANONJI!!!


============================================

Welcome to Kanonji (Guan Yin Temple).

Up: Captured from outside.

Down: Captured from the entrance.
Good grieve. They made such a HUUUUGE Kanon-sama Owo ZOMG... How much did they spend on that?!

The entrance 8D




The inner entrance to the inside. And mind you - the STEPS from the entrance to the inside is... a field wide. OAo I need to CLIMB those stupid steps zomg... It's tiring, yes.

The Buddha. =3 I had did this once when I'm inside the camp (owait, I haven't tell that yet, lololol.), and now's my second time!!! Weeee~

You must understand how many Kanon-sama there are... There's... so many. The floors explain most part of eet. ZOMG.

But first! Let's take a look at the HUMONGOUS hand of the GIGANTIC Kanon-sama! 8D

PH34R MWAH HAND LOLOLOL

The view up here ish niiice =3

And now... the time haz come. For MULTIPLE KANON-SAMA!!!

Oh yes. There's SO MANY of them... Owo

===========================================

After visiting Kanonji, we're off... for our hotel.

THE HOTEL

lolthebuscoveredthehotelname =w=

Because of the pics above (thanks to my shortness =w= ), I can NEVER know the name of the hotel Owo

...yasrsly.

DINNERTEIMZ

Oh yes, the foods are niiiice *loves*
Note the lil' sashimi over there, and the chawanmushi, and the tofus (in this case, it should be tau-pok. Don't ask me what it is in English *looks to the side*)! xDDD
They're just mwah favorite!!!

And now, time to give out some photos of the hotel... Oh, I captured them in the next morning, so yeah 8D

Sad thing about the pictures were, though, ish that I can't take a pic of the Onsen they're having here =w= Why? Because I'm having period times during that day and can't go. FFFFFF-

Also, they prohibited people from taking pictures INSIDE the Onsen 8D

You know why. You Hentais. *EBILSMIRK*

Outside the hotel, there's... flowers.

Japan's fastest river Owo Rumors said that the salmons will swim back in the opposite way up to the hills to produce eggs there... and then, the fishes will swim back to the water Owo
By the way, I found this river to be uberly beautiful that I couldn't help but upload it in maximum *loves*

The room of the hotel. It's Japanese styled =3

Buffets! And good point ish: Japanese foods ensured *happy*

BEARS! 8D You will find a lot of these in Hokkaido. Seriously.

=============================================

And so, that's the end of my first day. I shall update my second day tomorrow...

The Japanese Club... and my own affairs.

Insert: Pearl Moon (by Koda Kumi)

You know what?
Japanese Club is going to be abolished.
And I'm sad.
Really sad.

Sad because I can't do ANYTHING to help out.

I tried to tell my mom about the problems,
But all the while, she said were:
"Move on. Stop dwelling on the past."

And Monday, as soon as I got back from Star,
My family (except my dad), were there.
Kou should know what happened.
And I do not want it to happen again...

So there, I must turn into a "Good Child".

Goodness. It was like HELL.
I regretted giving my sister my facebook.
And those aunties.
Argh...

Should've known this will happen.
I can't even SWEAR and CURSE in facebook now.
And she even start to talk bad about you people.
Damn, she even thought I'm into DRUGS.
OAo
And she started all those "As a girl, you must act like one."

But seriously,
I'M NOT A GIRL IN THE SOUL FOR GODDAMN SAKE!!!

And my new hairstyle seriously SUCKS.

Fuck it.
Fuck them.
Fuck.

Since I can only sweat in the blogs, I might as well swear as much as I could now. XD

So...
FICK DICH.
WTF?!?!?!

Oh yeah, I can't even say "WTF", by the way.

Seriously, WTF.



Anyway, back to the topic of Japanese club...

We, Kou + Yuki + I, worked SO HARD on this club.
To reopen it...
To make it popular...
And FINALLY able to have SOME members.

SOME.

But now, the club has been abolished.

Why?

I have some guesses.

1. No Advisory Teacher.
2. Not enough member.
3. Not popular.
4. Pn. Tee just feel like closing it up. (Uhuh... =w=)
5. It has too many problems.
6. Pn. Lim decided to let it abolished.

6 guesses.
But all 6 of them might be correct.
All of them have chances...

And seriously, these chances are BAD for us.

Argh!!! I just WISHED I could do something.
Not just... Dwelling on the past or something!
But I just want to, I have the urge to!
Because this is our blood and tears!
You can't just see it to fall, right?

Unless you're a cold-blooded creature.



Oh well.
Enough ramblings.
I know I have no chance for that.
So fine.

I will remember it, and that's the least I could do.
I shall tell all people what the club has been through.
Even if it's abolished, it will still be in our hearts.



I promise you, Nippon-Gakkai.

:: Haircut Aries ::

Insert: Kumikyoku Lucky Star Douga (Medley from Lucky Star's songs)

Today, I went for haircut, plus makan.
SASHIMI ROCKS!!!!!!
SOFT SHELL CRAB RULEZZZZZZZ~~~~~~~

Ehem.

Anyway, let's post some pics of my new hair.
Not that sure whether this is okay or not de...
=w=

1st step, wash the hair...

Then, blow the hair...

And then, cut it...

At last, shape it...

Can't believe I can be such a "good child". LOL?

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 7 ::

Insert: 我要快樂? (by A-Mei)

我真的，真的，很讨厌这个可恨的家。
为了一点小事，就来说我。
为了一点小事，就来找我。

“为了这个家”
他们是如此说的。
但是，在我看来，怎样都是为了自己吧。



他们说我不够爱这个家，
不够关心这个家。
那么他们自己呢？
是否有明白过我的感受呢？
他们有没有想过一直以来，
他们说做的一切对我来说又是什么呢？

他们只想到自己，
自己想要我成为什么。
但他们是否有想过我想不想要这样呢？
是否有想过，听过，我的理由呢？

不。
我忘了一件很重要的事实。

“你没有说话的立场。” by 我姐。

就连今天，
和雪，光，还有CY，
在我房里练舞时，
我那白痴的姐姐带着一大群的人，
就酱开了我的门，
冲进了我的房间，

“观看"。

雪很不爽，不对，是全部人都很不爽。
我自己排第一。
为何？

“太没礼貌了吧！” by 雪。

但是，我不能不承认，这就是我的家人。
所以，我恨。
所以，我气。

所以，我无奈。。。



在这个家，一点立场都没有。
身份，
地位，
他们说到好像我真的有完一切，

但我是一无所有的。

有的，只是一个名。
有的，只是一个姓。

身份，地位，立场什么的，
我有吗？



就以今天来说。



早上，
说好了我需要用到这个房，
不能有任何杂物在地上。
我嫂就一直在哪儿跟我“讨价还价”。
说什么，
“你朋友下午才来对吧？
那么，这 modem 放着先啦~”

工人不用打扫吗？
已经一天没扫了。。。

“哎呀，放心啦~
就算放在哪儿也不会顶住工人打扫得啦~”

但他又知不知道，
工人就是因为这样子儿没法打扫干净。



OK, fine.
我让你。
现在我拔掉，让他打扫。
然后，放回去，让你慢慢下载你要的东西。
等到他们来时才再拔掉。

这也就算了。
忽然，他问我，昨晚帮他 scan 的东西呢？
哈？
你要我 print 出来？
如果是颜色的，我能够了解。
但，他说黑白也可以。
不，他一再强调说黑白也可以。
那么，请问一下，
干吗不要直接去复印呢？

他说，我哥没时间。

哈！
果然如此。
我哥果然除了会玩电脑之外，
他是个百分百的废物。
喝！
废材。
我只好跟他说，我只剩下三张纸。
帮不了他。
所以，就 send 了那些资料给他。

怎知，到了晚上，
他竟然叫人拿了一贴纸给我，
叫我印出来。
我顿时真得火了。
他如果能够叫人家帮他拿纸来，
为何就不要叫人去帮他印呢？

废材。
果然是百分百没用的废材。
Hmph!!!

然后，我又很想问，
他知不知道墨是很贵的呢？
一盒要整百块。
而且，才那么一小盒。

废材。
叫他有空帮我买也没有。
MF...



算了。
这个放去一边。
来说一说下一个。



下午说好要去载他们。
我妈却在那边一直说话。
然后又在那儿看一看他的简讯。
拜托！
人已经在等着了！
勘弁してよ！！！

算了。
然后，在车上又说什么。
“今天是大日子又没帮忙，
你认为你这个态度好吗？”
我可以很肯定得跟你说，
是不好的。
但是，你又认为你这样好吗？
而且，好选不选就选这天。
这不是我想要的好不好？
如果可以，我根本就不想和今天同天啊！
谁要和你一起忙啊？
白痴。

终于，他把我丢在那边。
这是好事。
我终于可以自由一段时间了~
而且，我压根都没想过要他陪。
去吧！
离开我视线。
让我想作呕的东西。
Hmph!!!



在那儿，和他们一起，真开心。
直到，是时候去我家练舞的时候。
讨厌。
为何？
太多人了。
浑身不自然。
我朋友都用很“怕”的眼神看着我。
一直指示他们上去，别管他们。
我会呆在那边，称呼一下，已经算很好了。
对这些废物，我真得没想过要讨好他们。
对我来说，他们根本就没舍用处。

然后，练到一半，
我姐就跑上来说，小声一点。
拜托！
好像你们需要平静酱！
你们比我们更大声好不好？

算了，你是长辈，我尽量。

然后，又过不久，带了一大堆亲戚上来。
进来我房，没敲门的那种，
还一进门就说什么：
“我妹有 privacy 嗒！”

MF!
你竟然说得出，
那么为何还要这样？！
神经！

然后，“观看”了满久的，才肯退。
无聊的废材。



然后，7点了，他们要走了。
没办法，我跟他们一起回到 tesco.
然后，我妈驾车。
我已经知道在那之后等着我的是什么。

我妈一定会说什么，
“你看你朋友多么大人！”
“你看你自己还像个小孩！”
“学他们！温柔一点！”
“不要再酱了！”

哇，还果然给我猜中了。
全数说完出来。

那么，我也想要回他。
“每个人都有小孩子的时候。”
“我只是在他们面前才会酱而已。”
“我只是做回自己，而且，你说看到的不是一切。”
“什么叫做我不要酱？你怎么知道他们喜欢的是否就是这样的我？”

但我立不吭声。
为何？
“解释反而显得做作。”



就这样，
我在家中的位置，
都没了。

自由，在哪？
空间，在哪？
正义，在哪？

现在，连我的房间，
已经变成了我哥未来的房间。
我就暂睡在我家的 sofa 上。
整整一个月。

用了我东西，有说谢谢吗？
叫我做事，有真心感谢吗？
说错了我，有向我道歉吗？



把从前想了一遍
谢谢了 伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声 听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有



唉。
谁能告诉我，
这世上，
我能栖息的地方，
到底在哪？

我想要的自由，
我想要的快乐，
我想要的平静，
存在吗？



我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
我的决定是对的

:: 多いさしぶりですだ！Aries ::

Insert: Saikyou Pare Parade (Suzumiya Haruhi... song? XD Forgot from which album. Lalala~)

Today is the end of EST...
No, not yet SPM.
And...
I found out that I'm really carefree about SPM here...

I JUST CAN'T TREAT IT AS A REAL EXAM!!!
I JUST KEPT ON TREAT IT AS NORMAL EXAM!!!
WHAT SHOULD I DO~~~

>w<

I know.
Retarded.
But who cares~
I'm happy here~
Nyahahahaha~~~




Okay.
I am retard.
Acknowledged.



Well... Many happened these days and the yadda-yadda-yadda...
The most frustrating thing that happened to me now is that...

My nephew is born!
Yes?
No?
Happy?
Sad?
Not sure...

But it's sure a HUGE problem for me.

You see.
Because of the baby,
Everyone changed their places of sleep.

I'm taking the living room for the past 3 days.
Reason?
My parents are sleeping in MY ROOM.
I mean...
WHO WANTS TO SHARE A ROOM WITH THEM?!?!
SO FREAKING ANNOYING!!!!
>w<

No, and no way I'm going to do that.

And so...
I end up staying in the living room.
Nyahaha~

It wasn't that bad, I had to admit.
Better than sleeping with them, that is. =w=

Oh, and you know when the baby is brought to the house?
Right before the first day of my PRECIOUS SPM.
Nya.

It sucks.
Really.
Not because that he's noisy.
It's because we need to change our usual places for sleep.

Jeeeeeeeeee~~~

And from now on until they renovate the house,
I need to sleep with my bro.
>w<
I so do not like it.

Datte... Otoko da... >w>
If it's Kou, it's different.
But this is my brother.
So...
=w=
Haiz...



Whatever!
I'm going to have fun here!
Screw SPM! OAo
Okay, maybe not.
But now...
Just let me have some fun...

Eheheh~
I DID have fun with...
あたしのご主人様～
Maa... Although I'm the only one having fun though.
At least I think so.
>w<

Whatever~~~
I'm going to play the whole day night~~~
NYAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~~

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 6 ::

It’s just the next day.
The fuckers are telling me the same thing.
AGAIN.

WTF?!

There’s a reason I say that “I know”.
There’s a reason I say repeat the same 2 words.
Because I’ve already known.
So don’t even start to say a thing.
Don’t even try to repeat what you’re going to say.
There’re all in my mind.
I’ve known what you’re going to say.
So save your energy, never say it out.

Because I don’t want to listen a damn thing that you’re going to say.

And that, ruined my mood.

I wanted to watch TV.
But since they talked as if they’re so great.
Fine, let them play mah-joung there.
I go up.
I go post this thing in my blog.
Unleash my emotions and let them go wild.

I’m on the edge now.
But you will never know.


Until I scream it out loud.
In your face.

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 5 ::

Insert: Get the Future (by Takahashi Hitomi)

This world has no justice.
Since the day I grew up in this family, I understood this concept of life.

My family treat me like a fool, although I really WAS a fool.
But now I’m an adult.
Can’t they treat me better?

I admit. I’m wrong.
I admit. I’m noisy.
I admit. I’m inconsiderate.
But does that means that you are not?
Does that means that you can just defy my actions?
Does that means that you understood my actions?
Does that means that you have the right to critisize my actions?

When you are actually messing up my place just for your selfishness?
When you are actually ORDERING me to do stuffs for your playfulness?
When you are actually the one that’s WRONG?!

And my brain is none for your insultments.
I have absolutely nothing in intelligence for you to insult.
I am a little slow, yes, but that does not means that I do not know what to do.

So can you please SHUT UP and let me do what I want?

I already tell you I want to leave this house.
I already tell you I can be on my own.
But you insisted to want me be in this house.
But you insisted that I couldn’t take care of myself.

And now you’re telling me I’m noisy?
While you already knew what will happen if you insisted that I’m going to stay here?
And now you’re critisizing me how to take care of myself?
While you never even let me do it?



It was just a game, alright?
Mah-Jong, to be exact.
I know how to play, from the start.
Is just that YOU are the one that ASSUMED that I do not know a single thing.
So I proved that I know the general knowledge.
And what the heck, you praise me as if I’ve got a prize.
It’s just a general knowledge, dude!!
How can it be so hard???

Am I really that brainless in your mind?

But you know what, to me, you are the brainless one.

I’m just playing, training my brain.
You’re there telling me, what to throw and what to eat.
AS IF I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
AS IF I REALLY NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE.

So much things that you have done, in just a short one hour length.
You have critisize me at least 2 times in a game.
You have mocked me at least 3 times in a game.
In total, I could not count but, if one game is 5 minutes, you have already…
Critisize me 24 times.
Mocked me 36 times.
In 12 games.

And what’s next?
You’re going to “teach” me.
Hell, I can be a better teacher than you.
I’m just giving you face, okay.
Don’t think I’m really that stupid, would you?

Just that you’re better than I am, doesn’t mean that you can critisize my actions.
Just because you think that I am a fool, doesn’t mean that I am really a fool.
I can be smarter than you.
I can be richer than you.
I can be anything BETTER than you.
If I want to.

You know, you can be such a JERK some times.
If you weren’t my blood-related family, I’ve already wanted to say this phrase in your face.

“Shut the fuck up, would you?!”

And seriously, I’m on the borderline to yell out this phrase.
This exact phrase.
Although I have yelled for millions of times in my heart.
Just to give you some prides you need as my elders.
I respect you.

But what you’ve done had made me losing the respect.
Each step going down the stairs.
I’m starting to hate you.
To dispise you.
To leave you.
To do whatever that opposes you.



Although I oppose the idea of having that baby in my huge room.
But did they listen? No.
I mean, since when they listen to MY OPINION?
They always talked about THEIR OPINION.
And FORCED their opinions on ME.

So what? I’m going out from the room.
What month is that?
About November to December.
What time is that?
My SPM time.
EXACTLY.
So my mom said “Sorry”.
But did that help?
No.
Because I don’t think anyone in the family even felt to say “sorry”.
Because I was so disliked by them.
I don’t care about being disliked.
The world is already unfair anyway.
This is just the beginning.
I know.

What if I’m back to my room?
I’m going to be with the aunty that’s going to take care of the baby.
AND the baby itself.
But I don’t think they WANT me to stay in the room.
Because whatever I do, is no way good for the baby.

So where I’m going to stay then?
In my parents room.
Along with them.

HECK.

You know what?
Sleeping in the living room’s sofa is far much better than staying in THEIR room.
Imagine my dad’s bomb in the night.
Imagine my mom’s nagging UNTIL night.
Can I sleep in there?
I don’t think so.
Can I even study?
I can NEVER think so.

That is why I told them I want to move out.
They do not approve.
So?
I’m going to stay here like Harry Potter?
Sleeping in a storeroom?
Well, he’s far more better than I do.
At least he gets a real home later.
Me?
I have nothing.

I have no foster parents to pass a house to me.
I’m no legendary child.
I’m just another normal child with no power, no money, no pride.
Although how much do I protest, nothing will go my way.
Even the choice where I want to go study music?
Is something they WANT ME to be.
It’s nothing they do not want me to be.
But when I’m going to study music technology?
They oppose.
Saying, “I just want you to be a normal music teacher.”

Hell.
Is that going to happen in me?
Never.
Even if I will, it’ll be decades after this.

And what’s worse?
They want to interfere with my hair.
Telling me to cut on THEIR style.
Heck.
I don’t need their fashion senses.
Theirs are the WORST to come by.
I don’t even want to trust them.
They just force everything on me.



I’m not gonna let you do whatever stuff that you want with my life.
No, and NEVER.

Singapore? I’m going.
And that will be the final destination that you fools can control.
I’m going to break free after that.
I’m going to soar higher in the sky.
I’m going to melt the chains that you have put on me, eternally.
And I shall NEVER come back.

Trust. My. Words. People.

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 4 ::

Insert: Pride of Glory (by Mizuki Nana)

‘Kay. I really hate my family. My parents. My siblings.
All of them
Hate.
Hate.
Hate.
Nikui.
Kirai.
Koroshitai.
Nani mo nai.
Tada atashi hitori.
Every and each of them are tricksters.
Hate.
Hate.
Hate.

Why do I hate them?
Thanks to my good-for-nothing sis-in-law,
As she’s going to give birth to a niece or a nephew,
I’m going to be force out from this big room,
Where I can originally planned this place out from my blueprint.
But now, my hopes are all gone.
My damned parents – no,
To be exact, my mom.
Her determination of letting my bro into this big room.

Where can I live from now on?
That wretched place of his.
Okay, fine.
Since I’m able to use the internet for days and weeks without his damned permission anymore.

But no.
That’s not the point.
What about my stuffs?
My books, and equipments, my keyboard, my clothes?
Heck, I have no place to put ‘em anymore.
Where will they go?
80%, the storeroom.
Great. Very, great.
My mangas.
My reference.
My music books.
All gone into the storeroom.
Then, my future drum set?
Gone, too.
Not enough space, as said.
So how?
Can I move out?

No.

“Wah, you got wings already la?
Can fly already la?”
Yeah, so how?!
What’s wrong with that?!
Do you have a damned problem?!

Okay, let’s say.
I have the money problem.
Dude, I can do part times!
I’m not a damn kid anymore!
Then, food problem, you say?
Heck, I can cook that good-for-nothing Soba by myself!
Just for once of failure!
What’s next? Cleaning?
Hell, I can clean it myself.
I don’t need you to do it for me.
I don’t care if it’s only me.

I JUST WANT TO BE DAMNED ALONE FROM YOU ALL!!!
FOR GODDESS SAKE!!!



Then, what I’m going to study?
Music.
Okay, fine.
Teacher suggested me to study here first before going elsewhere,
Then since I’m going to study arrangements and composings,
He suggested me to take that piano up to my room,
And learn the drums.
No.
Nonono.
Why?
Because I’m going to give out my big room, and I do not have space anymore.
And if that’s not the main reason, then this is:
“The piano is hard to carry up! We need to hire pros.”
Then hire la dammit!!!
If you do not want to give up a single penny, then fine.
I’ll do it.

Even when I’ve loss my RM63+- to pay up for that damned broken bottle,
Even when I’ve given up my RM900 for that bass,
I’m still willing to hiring people to get that piano up.

SO THAT I DON’T NEED TO SEE YOUR DAMNED FACE,
EVERYTIME I PLAY.
SO THAT I DON’T NEED YOUR DAMNED PERMISSION,
EVERYTIME I PLAY.
SO THAT I DON’T NEED TO HOLD BACK,
EVERYTIME I PLAY.

So that I can be alone.
Yes, the main reason.



And so, my mum was like making a big fuss.
“Study music, so troublesome.
Need to buy this buy that.
Do this do that.
Your brother and sister don’t even need all of these!
Just go and study accounts then can already!”

Yeah, right!
Then why on the first place you put me for taking piano courses?
Then why on the first place you wanted me to be a musician?
A music teacher?
Blah, blah, blah?!
Then when I want to be in econ classes, you’re making another fuss?!
And now, thanks to that I’m good in accounting,
you want me to take accounting?!
So that I can help the family out?!
By when I decided to study fully in music?!?!

To be exact, from the beginning…
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE INTERFERE IN WHATEVER I WANTED.
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE INFLUENCE IN WHATEVER I LIKED.
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE ALL OF THOSE.
AND MADE ME WHAT I AM NOW.

And thanks to your overprotective,
You made me what you can’t believe now.
A useless human, who can’t do housechores, who can’t cook,
Who can do nothing but making a fuss.
Who’s fault is that to blame?
Who’s responsible when they restrict the person to do so?
Who’s the wrong over here?
Why can’t you be a lil’ open up and let me do whatever I wanted?
But not whatever YOU wanted?
Why can’t you do that?

No.
No one, none parents, in this world, would do so.
They would try to restrict, and force their child to do else stuffs.
There’s no such parent that could even 100% understood their children.
No, and never.
Trust me.

BECAUSE THEY JUST LIKE TO CONTROL.
BECAUSE THEY JUST LIKE TO MAKE THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE.
BECAUSE OF THEIR DAMNED STYLE OF LOVE.
BECAUSE THEY JUST BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES.
NOT THEIR CHILD.
NOT THE TEACHERS.
NOT THE PROS.
NOT THE TRUTH.
BUT ONLY THEM AND ONLY THEMSELVES.
AND THEY DO NOT THINK OF THE TRUE SEQUENCES,
OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING,
TOWARDS US.
TOWARDS THEIR CHILD.
AND WHAT’S GOING TO BE OF THEIR CHILD.

No, and never.



Seriously, get a damned life!
You’ll be absolutely okay without me, right?
Why should you even care for it?
I don’t care about you anyway?!

Hell, don’t interfere with my life!!
How I will become is all my doing, not yours!
I don’t need your help.
I don’t need explain to you.
I don’t need YOU.
Just GDFDGTHD!!!!!!

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!



Yet.
I can't stand up against them.
I can't tell them how much I hate them.
Why?

Perhaps I'm kind.
Perhaps I'm just a good kid.

But I know the main reason.



I'm a coward.



I knew that all along.
And that's why, I just chose to remain silence.
Even though they said the wrong thing,
Even though they misunderstood my true intention,
Even though they assumed that I'm like that,
Even though...

I nothing like that at all.

And so, I remain silence.

But then, they would scold me for remain silence.

Then how 'bout I talk back towards them?

They would scold even much.
And they would say...
“你越长越大，越来越不礼貌。”

Uhuh.

So that's how you see me eh?
No matter how much I follow what you told me to do eh?
And so I did.
And this is what I get?

Good.
Perfectly good.
I can still remember that day when my sister said this.

“你没有立场说话。”

Huh.
Then I wished to say.
If I'm not in the position to talk,
Then what is your position to say about me?

But I did not say a word.
Just because I'm afraid...
Or perhaps, I just don't feel like talking back to these idiots...
Because they just won't understand a single thing that I said.
Because they just won't consider whatever that I've said.
Because they just won't LISTEN.

And so, again, I remain silence.
They said silence is bliss.
Well, at least my friends said that >w>
And so, I will remain silence.

Even when they asked of me, I will not say a word.
Until they really forced me to it.

Or...

Maybe I will say a lil'.
The me lately.

Maybe I've grew with some courage inside of me.
Thanks to Kou and Yuki, perhaps?
Since they encourage me to talk? =w=
Uhuh...
Or perhaps not.
Perhaps I'm just... Rebellious since I am born to this world.
But I just don't have the opportunity to talk about it.

Hmm...
Either way, I'm just dislike this family.
More to the level of HATE.



Phew...
I talked a lot.
I mean, I wrote a lot.
Yet, it's not the end of the story.
Behind this wretched family that I'm born into.

Peace out at the moment...

:: 気持ち悪いAries Part 2 ::

I'm thinking a lot lately, about my own future...

Should I just be a composer? Or be greedy?
Study as a composer, singing in the night, and work as an accountant in the morning...
Wow, I'm sure greedy, and I sure don't have a time to work on anything else. Haha.
And, I will spend my whole day busying about nothing...
Or maybe not, maybe I'll be frustrating, and happy at the same time.
Frustrating about how I can be so busy...
Happy about how much fun I can have in these jobs...

But I can't be all of them at once.
I must choose the best for me.
I can't be greedy.

So, I've decided...
I shall become a composer.
But maybe, at the same time, I will sing.
A compose singer? XD
Okay, that's just lame...



But that's not the main part of my most frustrating stuffs, actually...

The most frustrating stuff of all is actually my family, and nothing more can compare to this damn stupid stuff.

Just because they're blood linked to me.
Just because we live together under the same roof.
Just because I'm the youngest amongst all of them.

Not even the friend's problem is actually affecting me that much. I can always get other fun to ignore those pains or frustrating stuffs that they did towards me.
Or perhaps, it's because I'm actually alone in the first place.

When I'm alone here, nothing is bounded towards me. I do not need to obey anyone, I do not need to care about anyone, just me, alone.
But when I'm with my friends, I do have the obligate to follow their likes, to help them out, just because they're my friends.

Though, seriously, I found it frustrating.

Why must I follow their likes even if I do not have a liking in that specific thing?
Why must I help them out even if I'm actually not good in that kind of thing?

I do not know. I'm just bounded to do so, even without going through my thoughts the body just moved on it's own. To help them, to follow them.
And yet, some just thought that I'm stupid, and doesn't really appreciate it.



Oh well. Guess I'll be alone again when I've graduated from this cursed school. Maybe, in certain way, it'll be the best for me. I don't need anyone to help me out anyway. Because, I know, even if I asked for, they'll use various reasons to keep them out from this kind of trouble. So why even bother to ask?

Of course, that only applies to SOME, and VERY FEW people. Not all people are capable to help me out anyway. So I don't even really bother to ask for their helps, actually.



Geh, guess I can see how I spend the rest of my lives...
Alone, eating Maggie-Mee...
Listening to the music...
Looking at the screen...
Reading manga on one hand...
And mouse on the other hand...

Hmm... That's really a good image... XD
Darn, I'm really sarcastic. Heh.

Oh well...
Not like I really care anyway.
Since I can be very dependent if I'm with another people...
But very independent if I'm alone...

Of course, none knows these.
Because I'm alone, who else can see the fact of it?

Heh... Whatever...

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 3 ::

Insert: Omega Slope (?) [I’m not quite sure about the song name XD It’s in Katagana… Not sure with the artist too XD But it’s from Barbarian On the Groove]

Graaaaahhhh!!! Another day in the house, another day of boredom, another day of hatred.

I don’t get it. How can the action of SMSing during meals be disrespectful? If that’s disrespectful, then what is the action of entering and using other’s room without their wholehearted permission considered as? Do they even think before they spoke their opinions of the actions I have done, and think back about their actions’ impact towards me?

No. And no.

They never thought of that. Because I’m the youngest and I’m SUPPOSED to listen to them. They never thought of the other one either, just because the room is something that they “gave” to me. Or rather, it wasn’t seriously “gave” at all. It was called as “lend” instead. Why? Because most times they said:

“This is something that is bought with our money, not yours. It’s not yours. It’s ours. It’s dad’s.”

Blah, blah, blah and blah.

They said my stuffs are theirs, but yet they gave it to me. It supposed to be mine, no? Isn’t things are supposed to be in this way? So why take my stuffs? So why not letting me having my own way with my stuffs? Better yet, they violated my rules that I’ve set for my room. The settings that I’ve made for the room. All the reasons behind the stuffs I did. They never consider about it. About my room and I. They only think about themselves. And what the fuck, they called me down just for eating the stupid peanuts while I'm busying designing my 5E1 shirt!!!

Yet, they call me selfish.

Of course I’m selfish, thanks to you all. Thanks to your stupid hospitality, of not letting me having my own way to go anywhere I wanted. Protection, you say? I’d say it’s locking a bird in a cage. That’s why I need to protect myself from the damn locker. I need freedom. If you do not let me have it, then I’ll have another thing in exchange.

Money.

And so, I will grab and suck every single cents out from your pocket, until you have none. But of course, I’m not that bad. I will not take all at once. I’ll just take little by little, to not letting you notice my mischieves. Heheheh… I know I’m evil, bear with it.



Seriously, another day in this damned house, another day of calamity, another day of hatefulness. I just hate them. And they’re right about what they’ve said, about me, too. If they were not at home, I’m the most happiest. I never miss them. Or rather, I would never even thought of so. Why miss them when you want them out of the place since long time ago? Why miss them when you can just do anything in the house without consider about their damn thoughts? Why miss them when you have the priviledge to just do anything you wanted in the house when you can’t with them? Why miss them when you are the king of the house? Why miss them at all?

No reason. Therefore, I will not miss them, forever. Even when the time I’m away from the house, going through hardcores, I will NOT miss the family I had. Even if I miss, I will miss the time I can play around in the house freely without doing these hardcore stuffs. Of course, maybe miss the maid, because I do not do house chores. And the most that I will miss, is my comfortable bed. And my piano if I don’t have it then. But everything else is just nothing but a scrap of rubbish. Family? They can just go die. Seriously.



Ahh, yeah, if you noticed, I’ve been talking about the same thing about my family. The assets thing? The youngest thing? The freedom thing? The caged thing? Yeah. That’s because they always remind me about it. And every time, every day, it just gradually grow bigger and bigger in my heart. Every day, the same thing would repeat again. Every day… Every second… As long as I’m in this damned house, with that damned overprotective family of mine… As long as I’m still here… I’m bound to these same things over and over again. Repeating in my mind, repeating in my memories. Yeah, maru maru mawaru (circle, circle, spins)… Geh, that’s one of the reason I have that as my website name. Everything is just repeating its course again and again. Just hate it…



Oh well, I just hope that I can get a set of drums soon… Whether it’s using their money or not. I shall buy one for myself! Mwahahahaha~ Speaking of drums, I just figure out that my hands are much better off with drums rather than piano. Damn, I just can’t play the notes well now… Wonder what exactly happened… Hmm… Must check later…

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries Part 2 ::

Can I continue talk about my family? Can? Then I’ll write (What the… Didn’t even give any option…)

Ahem.
Firstly, they LOVE to waste my time. They will call me to sit down. And then began to talk their crabs.

Even when people is in a hurry.

20/4/2009
They can just use 30 minutes to tell me:
“You must drink this thing, it’s good for your health! If you don’t drink it, you will get sick! Har, buy for you also don’t want to drink! Har, waste money! Blah-blah-blah…”
…
Then I was like just sitting there, like a wood, waiting for them to finish. Haiz… What the hell… I don’t even want it. I don’t even know whether it’s really, seriously, good or not. Kuso… I hate them.



Then.
They LOVE to command me to do stuff.
“Aries, burn this thing for me.”
“Aries, pour a glass of water for me.”
“Aries, help me throw my pants down.”
“Aries, this.”
“Aries, that.”
SHUT UP BUGGERS!!! I’M NOT YOUR DAMN SERVANT!!! And the house got a maid for your information.
Haiz… It’s not that I dislike to do stuffs, or walk around, but…
THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH!!!
Everyday, whenever they’re around. They’ll just command and command. Why?
“Because you’re the smallest child.”
“Because you’re the youngest.”
“You should respect the elders.”
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH~ Fuck.
I just HATE it.
Kuso.


Then, today. 20/5/2009 (One month later, le gasp!!!)
8.00p.m., went down.
Someone took knifes come to my house, for my dad to take them down.
I let the person put the knifes on the ground, on the center.
Fine, I was wrong about that.

But what the hell?!

8.30, my sister came, along with her husband.
After eating, after I finished piano, and my mom’s there, battle starts.

Talk, talk, talk. Nag, nag, nag. Rumble, rumble, rumble. Blah, blah, blah.

Talk about all those moral stuffs and stuffs, to hormat people and to have a better logic.
Then 9.30, luckily my sis-in-law came back from buying stuffs, or else they will continue to TALK about craps.

Geh, I hate my family. They’re right about me, I knew that from the a long time ago – I’m selfish, I’m eager to leave the house (no, I will not say home, because it’s not the home of mine), I did not respect any family members in here, and yes, I HATE THEM.

Dude, they can talk about ANYTHING, from the knife thing until the 5E1 board event, until their lives. WTH?!?! And it’s like, 1 hour of naggings! Dude, I can’t even study Sejarah when I wanted to, and if this time my sejarah failed, I’ll seriously SUE them. No, not sue, but I will seriously hate them FOREVER. Fuck them off dude!

Then, my bro is sick today, and yet he eats koropoks. I'm just talking about the bad about those stuffs, and there my sis says:

“You're not in the position to say that.”

Dude, if you say that I'm not in the position to say that, then you're defying my position in the family. If you're defying my position in a family, you're defying me as a family member. If you defy me as a family member,
YOU SHALL NOT TALK AS IF I AM ONE PART OF THE FAMILY.
DO NOT NAG ME AS IF I AM ONE PART OF IT.
BECAUSE YOU DEFY THE FACT THAT I AM.

I hate my family, and I will foreverly HATE them. If I ever go out, I will NEVER come back.

Trust my words.

:: 疲れたAries Part 4 ::

15/5/2009

Insert: Amnesia (by Shikata Akiko)

Another half an hour of talking craps. I really feel like leaving this place once and for all. But you can get money from this place, so… Let’s just tag along for a while, shall we? (Heh)

Oh, I’m talking about my mom, in case if you did not notice.

Talking about what? Hmm, look at those moral values in our SPM? The bidang 2 ones? Yep, those were the one she kept on talking about. Just because I didn’t do any of those in the moral values, except for the kepercayaan part. Yes, I do mengamalkan budaya kekeluargaan, but I never do the others – or rather, I’ll never do the others. They’re just a bunch of craps. I favors my friends more than my family, seriously. Heh, people said meletakkan kepentingan negara melebihi kepentingan sendiri, I meletakkan kepentingan rakan-rakan melebihi kepentingan keluarga. I know it’s a bad thing, for most people, but I don’t care what you all thinking about. This is the real me, so bear with it.

Haiz… Can’t get out from this crappy position… This just sucks. But no choice, for my future and my money, I must bear with these kind of craps happening to me. Although they’re not as bad as other people, but at least they gained independence. Me? I gain no experience at all, just because of their “dangerous”. Grr… That is why I chose to lock up my room, keep it to me and only me. Nothing else will enter (exceptional for insects. Seriously, I do not know how they get into my room!! >w> Although I really wanted to block them from entering…). Thus, I will keep myself away from them. I will not let them know my whereabouts. I will not let them know what I’m going to study as (maybe, because they will scoop it out of my mouth by using their forces).

Why moral values? Haha, today’s actually Moral exam. And yes, I’m going to score in this subject, no matter WHAT. Mwahahahaha~

That’s the reason why I’m so damn tired too… Yesterday watched Valkyrie Chronicle until 10.30++ and then began memorizing nilai2 until 11 something. Then, I can’t sleep, so I decided to type in the entry below. Geh… When the time I was about to sleep, I think it’s about 1 already… Next, the alarm rang at 5.30 as usual, but sometimes, I really wished that it would rang later.

Or maybe not. I don’t wanna get late.

Oh yes, I’m a decent child. I will not get late. Mwahaha~ No, I will not do those negative stuffs (not to promote Moral values, but, yeah). As example, smoking. I HATE SMOKERS, AND I HATE MY BROTHER AND MY BRO-IN-LAW FOR BEING SMOKERS, PLUS MY DAD ‘CAUSE HE HAD A LOT OF SMOKER FRIENDS. Hate them. Seriously.



By the way, the song of recomm per entry! This song, Amnesia, by Shikata Akiko! Shikata Akiko is a great singer, in choral songs, classic songs, etc.! In my opinion, she sang better than Shimotsuki Haruka. But Shimotsuki sang most soft songs with her soft and pitcher voice, while Akiko sang emo songs with her deep yet pitchy (she can alter them!) and strong voice. I just love her singings!

(Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijQDs7L2DjY)

This song is soft, and having a great emotional outbreak at the chorus part. The turning sound of the voices are really good, by Shikata Akiko, and I seriously love her sound~

Go listen to it now!!!

:: 気持ち最大悪いAries ::

Today is carnival day. Morning, 6 o'clock, my mom called me up. Haiz... I missed my phone... I dressed up, etc. etc. as usual, and in previous night, I've packed my beg and such, INCLUDING FINISHING THE DAMNED CLASS BOARD FOR THEM TO PUT ON UNTIL 1 A.M. Okay. That's okay. That's not the problem. Problem is...

I reached school.

I put my bag.

I see Niro.

I shocked.

"Hi- SHIT! THE BOARD!!!"
> by me.

This is why I NEED MY PHONE. I can remind myself if I had that phone. I can get up on my own if I HAD that DAMNED phone. Okay, enough complaining and reminiscing. I quickly asked for phone, and called my parents, where they DIDN'T BRING THEIR CELLPHONES AGAIN!!!!!!! Haiz... My sister? She's useless. That's okay, I still have teacher. But then...

"Morning is very busy. Never mind the board la. Don't need that la."
> By my class teacher.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I spend my 5 hours for the 5 DAMNED BOARDS. How can you say "Nevermind la" JUST LIKE THAT?!?! No. I must find a way... I must find... A way...

*Light bulbs on*

Yes!!! My cousin!!! Maybe I can ask for her help!!!

So, I rushed from the secondary school towards the primary school, and went to door 33, my cousin's house. When I reached, LUCKY ME!!! She's just there!!! I yelled for her, apologized for so many inconvenience, and quickly went back my home, grab the board, went back school. WOOOOO~~~ How fun. Yeah right.

But that's not the serious part, YET.

When I return back to the school, it's already 8, but Kou's still not here yet. So, We called him and asked, and he said that something wrong happened to the pudding, and he need a box. So, I asked for permission to get him to the school.

I, alone, for the first time, went to get a TAXI. Wow... What a new experience for me~ haha... Sorry, but seriously, in 17 years, this is the first time I take a taxi only by myself. So, borrowed a phone from Adam forehandly, and asked Kou where he lived. I went there, get down the taxi, and went to his house FROM MY SO BAD MEMORY. Can't believed myself that I ACTUALLY REMEMBERED his house!!!!!! Oh my goddess~ X3

(Weee~ I’m on a journey today~)

Well, I found out that the "pudding" turned out to be JELLOTINE. Oh my goodness... And the taste, IT'S HORRIBLE!!!!!! =w= Never want to even BUY that thing anymore... Haiz... But then, it might looked like a failure, and despise the flavour. it's actually very popular by the people, and some of them EVEN LIKED IT. OwO What the...

Oh well, we packed the stuff up, and took a taxi, back to the stall, and began helping out. Oh my... I'm so bored. I don't know how to do a thing... I know that's very irresponsible for me to say this but... I don't think I DID a THING for the club for the whole day... The one that did are just Yuki, Kou, and the others. Well, thanks to me, they get PL (My junior friend who always gets bullied by her classmates... Tell you the story later.) along too. Haha... Maa... Ii deshou ne...?

Throughout the day, I just walk here, walk there; eat here, eat there. Until I kinda feel like anorexic AGAIN. Why again? Well, yesterday, I had that feel too. I'm not sure why... It all started on that stupid oral thing... The title is exactly "Anorexia". Haiz... Okay, skip it. Now, I feel so empty... Not doing a thing... But I seriously found a tranquilizer for my emptiness...

Music.

Yes. BLAST MY EARS BABY~ I love you~ I don't care if people are talking about me, but seriously, I love moving through the music. Maa maa... Ii ka.

When I come back from several rounds of walking, I found out that my class stall had CLOSED. Why? THEY FINISHED SELLING THOSE STUFFS!!!!!! Oh wow... Honto ni bikkuri shita... And my club? They UNEXPECTEDLY FINISHED SELLING THE ONIGIRI!!!!!!

WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~~~~

Wow, that's long. Anyway. The one that's left behind is that disgusted jellotine. Eww... I can't even understand why people are buying it... Oh well. At least half of the 100 are sweetened (yes, they're good). Well, the unsweetened one... Haha... Not to say anything but... HONTO NI, WARUI DESU. Haha... Maa... Well, the rain comes in. Oh no!!! We pushed in the stuffs to the inside, and we kind of packed up, and went for the ghost house.

I haven't tell you about the ghost house right? Well, the line is NAGAI LIKE HELLL!!!!!! Oh my god... We spend 1 hour for the DAMNED line... Haiz... Well, I have much fun inside. I mean... Ehem. Yuki was like so scared and she held to tightly to me. Lolz~~~ I don't even understand what's the point of scaring... But then, it might be scary if we're in the front instead of the back. Haha...

Oh well, after that, we packed everything, threw everything, and it's CC TIME!!!!!!

It's fun in CC, though it's short. I updated some of this entry in here, and typed the rest at home. So... Before I went back home, when it's time, I went back to my school and waited for my parents. During that time, Yuki was STILL THERE. Wow... How AMAZING is her parents... Oh well. It's not my problem... Wait. It might be. Oh well. Then, we talked for about 30 minutes, then she went off, and I was there still waiting. So I waited, and waited, but no car came to me. Haiz. So no choice, I jamma my cousin's house again, called my parents, and they told me they're there already. Smart. So I went back there, and went home.

Back my home. So tired. Grab my things out and ready to bath...

Fuck.

Where's my pendrive?!

Called that プッツン and 光, and they said they're in LM McD. Asked for help to go look back in CC, no. Oh well. Can't do anything about it, right? Since they're like, so far away, and so... Haiz. Anyway, I think and I think. What's the phone of Star? No phone written there. Shit them. Think and think... How 'bout my parents? They're not back yet, so I go bath. Get dressed, get down, tell them the story (altered to: my friend lost my pendrive in CC), dad refused, yelled at me about being that careless, like the phone incident.

Yeah, like it's ALWAYS happening.

Yeah, like it's ALWAYS MY FAULT.

Okay. I admit, it's my fault. But who's the one talking about RELYING on YOU?! Fuck it off bugger. You think I really want to rely on you?! It's because I have no choice. To be born in this DAMNED FAMILY. How damned? I'll tell you.

Since I was born, my maid carried me all over the place, so caring about me, and don't even try to LET ME WALK. Then, older age, I became so weak. Then, older age, NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING IN HOUSE, 'cause the maid is there. Did everything. Made me LAZY. Then, primary school, thanks to laziness, no games unless weekends. And then, don't let me go to the Star bookstore, which is just so near. Fine. It's okay. But then, secondary school, still wants to control me about such minor stuff. Still don't let me go to those places, until I'm in 17, I talked to them, then they said can. But to further away, like just the Mamak stall? No. What the HELL is in their BRAIN?!?! Moreover, I can't take taxi or bus EVEN WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Not only that, I can't even go out, because they're "BUSY" or "AFRAID OF THE ROAD". What the FUCK?!

Thanks to that, I secretly played during the time they're sleeping, EVERYDAY. Thanks to that, I secretly went to the bookstore EVERYDAY. Thanks to that, I secretly went out with my friends, ALMOST EVERYDAY. Even walked to Leisure with my barefoot from my school, or take a taxi by my own. Thanks to that, I learned a lot of stuffs SO MUCH LATER THAN NORMAL TEEN DOES. Thanks to THEM, I need to conceal EVERYTHING from them. Even if it's not an illegal stuff.

Why?

"Because it's dangerous."

DANGEROUS YOUR FUCKING BRAIN!!! What's wrong with going to mamak?! It's just so near!!! Even with teachers they don't let. What the fuck?!?!

Then, they said I rely on them. What rely? It's because I don't want to conceal, that's why I tell. And then, I told, and they said that I rely on them. Hah! Like I LOOOOOOVE to rely on you. Heck. I don't even wanted to. It's because I'm not able to go by my own. It's because I can't do it by my own.

It's because it's "dangerous".

Fucking shit. I hate them. I ALWAYS hate them. Seriously. From the bottom of my heart, since the day I gained true knowledge, since the day I'm matured.

I.

Hate.

My.

Family.

FOREVER!!!!!!

And I'm ALWAYS serious about that. My dad's a silencer who doesn't want say a thing. My mom's an uber "anti-dangerous" woman. My sister's a stupid bugger who don't even care about me. My brother? Heck, he's better. Why? Because at least he got a good wife. My sister-in-law? She’s the best. She's willing to cook, she's willing to do. Others? They can go DIE.

Yeah. They don't care about my feelings at all. Play with my body shape, talk about my height, yell at my stupidness. What else? Oh, it's just too daily for me to even bother. But the most that I cannot tolerate of all. THEY LIKE TO USE MY STUFFS. I can't tolerate and I'll NEVER tolerate. It's just a very important thing for me. They used my printer, they used my computer, they used my papers, they used my ROOM. Although SOMETIMES they did ask me, but THE QUESTION HAS NO OPTION. What the fuck?! And not only they use them, they MESSED UP WITH THEM. They messed the settings of my room, which they knew that I hated this setting. They messed up the cups that I used, which they knew that I hated to use other cups. They can even messed up my CLOTHINGS, which they knew that I hated those clothings!!! Oh, and they said that they BUY for me. Like HELL I asked for them. If you really want it, then don't give me! But no, they gave me. It's supposed to be mine now. But NO!!! They USED it.

"They're my money. They're my assets."

Uhuh. Yeah right. Oh, and did I mentioned that they liked to FORCE things to me? Like, a steamer. Like, a facial stuff. Like, a certain FOOD. I don't want them, and I don't use them. I don't even like them. But then they'll say.

"I use the money to buy for you, then you don't want it."

Hey! No one said that I WANTED okay?! Don't force anything to me and want me to USE it, or EAT it, or... or... Can I just throw them away? No. That'll NEVER happen. Why?

"Because it's a waste."

Then USE IT ON YOUR OWN DAMNIT!!!!!

"But I don't need it."

SO.

DO.

I.

FUCKERS.

And today's supposed to be a good day, with carnival, and all. But who knows that after I came home, I'll trigger so many BAD MEMORIES of these idiots.

And that's why, I hate to go back home, with them in the house.



I'd rather be alone.



Oh well...

It's okay. It's just a pendrive. If I really lost it, I'll think that's as a way to repel calamity.
It's okay. It's just a phone. If I really cannot take it anymore, I will buy a new one.
It's okay. It's just friends. If I really dislike them, I can always hide from them.
It's okay. It's just family. If I really hate them, I will leave them as soon and as possible as I could.

It's okay. It's just me. If no one care, I can always take care of my own.

If I really can't...



No one else could.



Then, I can just disappear.



Then, I can just...



Die.






> Alone in the Darkness

Genre: Slow Pop
Tone: EMO
Theme: Loneliness, Alone, Dark
Instruments: Piano, Violin, Drum, Guitar
Vocal: Me

暗闇のこのころに一人きり
誰もいないあたしだけ泣いてる

寒い日々この日に誰も聞いて
あたしの全て誰にも気にってる

友達わいない
家族にもいない
唯あたしだけ此処にいて
誰もいない、唯あたしだけ

一人だけだこの世界で生きてくて
寂しい歩くって
“空わ届けない場所だ”
あたし一人ぼっち話して
聞いて

それとあれ人たちわ信じません
全ての言葉全ての感情似せんだ

太陽の下人達の中寂しいだった
だって誰も本とのあたし知って

だから闇好きだ
だから太陽嫌いだ
闇の中にあたしの全て
好いと悪いの事も受ければ

一人だけだこの人達に
誰も知ってる誰も気にってる
“何が本との事ですか？”
あたし一人ぼっち尋ねるけど
答えわ無い

"Sorry I can't be much of a help"
"Don’t rely too much on me"
それわ貴方の答え？解ってる
じゃ今に決着だよ

一人だけにこの世界に生きてくて
一人ぼっち歩くて
貴方頼り必要わない
あたし自分にも気をつける

一人だけにこの町に
誰も必要誰も気にってる
だからあたし一人もいい
これがあたしの決意だよ
一人でWOOO生きて